Eleventh Post

This past week in class we discussed Fathers and Finances. One of the more memorable parts of the lesson was writing a paper in which we expressed our views on fatherhood and what makes it important. I personally grew up in a home where my father was physically there, but not emotionally present. My mom took on the heavy majority of the parental responsibilities and at times it even seemed like I was living in a single parent home. My father chose to pick his career over his family and there have been permanent effects on our small family from it. While it was important for my father to make money to be able to support our family, it was even more important for him to be there as a father to provide fatherly love and the example that only a dad can set for his children (especially for me, his only son).

It seems like fathers are getting a bad wrap in society today a lot of the time. While there certainly are scumbags who will help create a life and then not help raise it, not all men are like that. There are millions of men out there who, just like me, can't wait to be a father and raise children to the best of their abilities! While mothers are indeed important, I wouldn't go as far as to say that they are MORE important than fathers. I believe that both parents provide irreplaceable examples and are unique emotional supports for children. I also believe that a single father can do just as well as a single mother in raising a child (and possibly better in some cases). While a nuclear traditional family is obviously preferred, fathers should never be looked down upon as inferior or unnecessary.

The other part of the lesson for this week was finances. In most American families, the man is the bread winner and holds a full-time job to be able to make enough money to provide for and support his family. It used to be that the woman would stay in the home and rear the children while the husband worked, but that dynamic has changed quite a bit over the years in our nation. Women are wanting more and more to get out of the home and work or start careers of their own. More women are graduating from college with degrees and desires to make their own money and do their own thing. While it might make sense financially for a struggling young family to have both parents out of the home and in the workplace, it was interesting to find out that having both parents working typically doesn't bring in that much more money to the family income. The question that parents need to ask themselves is "is it worth having the mother (or father, in some cases) out of the home and away from our child/children for X amount of money"? I believe that in most cases, the answer will be a resounding no. I personally don't believe that any amount of money is worth sacrificing parts of a parent-child relationship.

Tenth Post

In class we have been studying the importance of communication in the family, especially among spouses. I come from a family where my parent were terrible at communicating with each other, mostly because of my father. My mom communicated fine with her children, but my dad has always had issues expressing how he truly feels. He has been diagnosed as passive aggressive, so I don't think that helps. So having parents that have had communication issues my whole life has given me a broader perception on this topic than I believe most LDS students here at BYU-I would have.

Something that goes hand-in-hand with communication (and is even a form of communication in and of itself) is conflict, and not all conflict in a marriage is negative. Conflict arises whenever there are two people who have differing opinions or views and need to come to an agreement. Conflict can help couples communicate more effectively, but it can also tear couples apart if they do not handle it correctly. I believe that it is healthy for couples to have conflict within their marriages and that it is good for them to be open to different views from their partners. If someone decides to "take over" the relationship and makes all the decisions, it is going to lead to resentment and displeasure for the other member of the relationship. That kind of dynamic within a relationship can lead to what's called a power struggle. There tends to always be an "alpha male" in a couple, and when the other person isn't feeling sufficiently represented or expressed, they are going to want to change that. A power struggle doesn't go over so well for the person in charge and it can cause quite the riff within the relationship.

Having council within any relationship or group is a guideline from on high, as we learned from Elder M. Russell Ballard in his October 1993 General Conference address entitled "Strength in Counsel". There have been many many councils recorded all throughout biblical history, namely the council in Heaven with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and other important figures. These councils were free and open discussion in which everyone's input was equally important. There continues to be councils within the church on every level (Quorums, Ward, Stake, Missions, etc). We can learn from these examples and have our own councils in our marriages and relationships to lead to more peace and happiness.

Ninth Post

This past week we learned about the different sources of stress in marriage/relationships and the affects that stress can have. As a person who comes from a family that has had to deal with a lot of stress during my lifetime, I can really relate to the lessons that we had this week. I thank Brother Williams for his personal touch that he adds to them as well.

The part that stood out to me the most from what we discussed in class was how much stress on just one person can affect everyone in the family. One that same note, it was amazing to see how the stress of certain events at one point in time can greatly affect relationships for years to come. It was very somber and touching when Brother Williams shared the experiences of when his siblings died. While the older siblings death was tragic in and of itself, I was very moved by the death of his younger brother. Obviously that was a very trying and hard time for the parents, and from what Brother Williams talked about, it appears as if they never really overcame that. It affected their relationship very much and even affected the way that they treated their other kids and how their other kids interacted with each other.

In my family, my mother has a lot of social issues while my father has been diagnosed as passive aggressive. They typically have a very hard time getting along and have told me numerous times that if it wasn't for their kids and the church that they would have been divorced a long time ago. Taking their many marital issues into consideration, it's no wonder that my sister and I have strained relationships with our parents. Whenever my mom isn't getting her needs met by her husband, she turns to her children in an unhealthy manner. While I love my mom, I can't fulfill her needs like her husband can. Knowing how this works within my family dynamic now is surely going to help me when I start a family of my own.

Eighth Post

This past week we talked about sexual relations and intercourse. It's always interesting to have these kind of discussions in a Mormon setting. There seems to be three distinct types of students; the ones who already know this material, the ones who are extremely sheltered and are learning this stuff for the first time, and then the ones who are rather self-righteous and embarrassed to be listening to this lesson. While I do fall into the first group of students, it was interesting to hear about how important sex is in a relationship and the stipulations that arise from it.

One of the most interesting things that I read about in this chapter was about the double standard that most people hold when it comes to premarital sex. When a young man has sexual experience in his adolescence years it is viewed as normal and even praised by some. It's a young man just being a man and experimenting and exploring. However, when a young woman gains some sort of sexual experience before marriage, she's viewed as a harlot and disgraced by others (for the most part). I have to admit to believing this myself, to an extent. For some reason, I tend to believe that it is less acceptable for women to be sleeping around or to have any sort of involvement in premarital sex than it is for men. Maybe that's a hypocritical, sexist part of me speaking. I don't know. I have heard it compared to a key and a lock. A key that can open many different locks is called a master key and is highly coveted and valuable while a lock that can be opened by many different keys is just considered to be a crappy lock. I believe that my attitude about this stems from the fact that a female is being penetrated by a man and not vice-versa. That seems a little worse to me. It's hard to explain.

The other thing that really stood out to me is how normal sex is. When you think about it, species on this earth have two purposes in life; to survive and reproduce. As we all know, sex is the way to reproduce. It is completely natural for us to have these desires and thoughts in life. It becomes unacceptable when we decide to linger on those thoughts/temptations or to act upon them before marriage. I feel as if a lot of LDS people don't understand that it's okay to think about and desire sex. To do so is completely normal and healthy. Our church has done a great job of making the subject taboo and creating an awkward situation whenever the topic is brought up. I wish more people could be open with their sexuality within the church without having members turn their noses up at them and judge. I think the youth would have a better understanding of what sex is and how to appropriately deal with those desires and thoughts.