Final Post!

This class has been quite the learning experience for me this semester. I really liked the teaching style of my professor, Brother Williams, and feel as if I learned more from him than I have from other professors or teachers. I have been able to relate to him and his stories and have appreciated his openness and honesty throughout the semester.

With the end of the class drawing nearer by the day, I'm reflecting on what we've been over this semester and what I can take away from the class. It was remarkable when Brother Williams told us how students tend to hardly remember anything from classes they've taken in school, so I tried to pay extra hard attention to the lessons that he taught us. I think the impressions and personal epiphanies that I've had in this class will stick with me throughout the ages.

One of the thoughts that I had in this class was how to help improve the family situation that exists in my home back in North Carolina. The main issue is with my mother. Through this class and a couple of others (general psychology and, oddly enough, child development) I have been able to see that she has behavioral and psychological issues that really affect her social interactions with those around her. It has been so hard for both my sister and I to have a good relationship with her because of her controlling attitude and unforgiving mindset. It has been even harder for my dad to have been married to her for the past 46 years. Having taken this class, it is now easier for me to see where she's coming from and why she thinks and responds in the ways that she does. I know that she's probably not going to change in the remaining years of her life, so it's up to me to react in a way that allows us to have a healthy relationship while not letting her manipulate me. It has been really hard for her to accept that I am an adult and she still tries to control things in my life even though I'm turning 24 this year. I think this class has helped me develop more of a compassionate attitude towards her and her problems.

Overall, I am very grateful that I decided to take this class. As I work on my list of the top 10 most important things that I've learned from this class, I'm sure my eyes will be even more opened to the lessons taught to us than they already are. I am more confident than ever that I will be able to have a healthy family of my own in the future, thanks in part to this class.

Thirteenth Post

Divorce and remarriage were the topics for this week. Having come from a dysfunctional family, I can relate to a lot of the issues that arise from divorce, but I have no way of knowing what it feels like to have parents leave each other and the affects of having a family split in two. I had quite a few friends growing up whose parents were divorced and, whether my friends would talk about it or not, I could see the effects that it had on them. We talked about in class how when a family is divided, it is tough on the children because it can feel like they sort of have to choose a parents side. It is also pretty tough to have to go through custody battles and not being with a parent when you want to be. It can also lead to having to go to different schools or church groups when you're with a different parent, which obviously leads to different social groups and friends. It can be very difficult for a child of any age to deal with all of this. It is also difficult for the parents to try and keep parenting together when they are divorced. Communication is not what it used to be and feelings can be pretty tense.

While divorce is not a pretty thing and should definitely be avoided, there are certainly times when it is appropriate and necessary (such as cases of infidelity or abuse). With that being said, I firmly believe that marriage can work between any two unselfish people who are more concerned with their partners wants and needs than their own. Divorce should be a last case resort instead of a go-to option when the going gets hard. I feel as if too many people give up on marriage nowadays instead of seeing the hard times through and growing stronger because of it. Brother Williams talked about how some country (I think in Asia) is trying this new thing where couples need to renew their wedding licenses or certificate or whatever after 2 years of marriage if they want to continue to be married, or else their marriage is nullified. That's crazy! With all that's going on in the world (gay marriage, the bachelor, etc), there sure is an assault on the sanctity of marriage these days.

The other half of this weeks lesson was about remarriage, which I support fully. While having a step-parent in the home can certainly be awkward at first and hard for the children to transition to, it will help the family in the long run to have two parents in the home again. We talked about how it can be hard for children to see the new husband or wife as a parent figure (especially when the children are older), but as long as the new parent handles the situation delicately and the biological parent handles the disciplining at first it can all transition rather smoothly with time. Whether by divorce or death, I sincerely hope to never have to remarry in my future. If the need does arise, I am confident that what I've learned from this class will help me.

Twelfth Post

This past week we discussed parenting and the many implications that can arise from it. What really jumped out at me at first were the many subsystems that parenting can create. Of course there is an immediate bond between the parents; that goes without saying. But there are also individual and unique subsystems that are born with each child. Parents and children have their own subsystems, children have subsystems between themselves, and even other parent figures such as grandparents or church leaders can have subsystems with children. For me, I had pretty weak subsystems within my family. My only sibling was my sister who was 5 years older than me and thought that I was the biggest loser in the world. I never had a good relationship with my dad and my mom has a lot of issues that makes it hard for us to connect. But I have seen this in many other families, how parenting creates subsystems.

Another thing that really got me thinking was how parenting styles really differ when two people from different backgrounds come together and create a baby. I was raised in a white southern household in the large city by super religious, traditional, conservative, and older parents. I'm sure the way that I was brought up was extremely different than how a person in a black northern household with a non-religious, single parent with liberal views was raised. If the two of us were to marry and have a child, we would have to find some serious middle ground on how we would parent our child(ren) together.

I definitely plan on having a family in the future. I like the idea of having a lot of kids so I will surely need to develop parenting skills. Hopefully my future wife will have had similar family values, because I am rather concerned that it will be difficult to come together as two separate individuals and parent as one.