This class has been quite the learning experience for me this semester. I really liked the teaching style of my professor, Brother Williams, and feel as if I learned more from him than I have from other professors or teachers. I have been able to relate to him and his stories and have appreciated his openness and honesty throughout the semester.
With the end of the class drawing nearer by the day, I'm reflecting on what we've been over this semester and what I can take away from the class. It was remarkable when Brother Williams told us how students tend to hardly remember anything from classes they've taken in school, so I tried to pay extra hard attention to the lessons that he taught us. I think the impressions and personal epiphanies that I've had in this class will stick with me throughout the ages.
One of the thoughts that I had in this class was how to help improve the family situation that exists in my home back in North Carolina. The main issue is with my mother. Through this class and a couple of others (general psychology and, oddly enough, child development) I have been able to see that she has behavioral and psychological issues that really affect her social interactions with those around her. It has been so hard for both my sister and I to have a good relationship with her because of her controlling attitude and unforgiving mindset. It has been even harder for my dad to have been married to her for the past 46 years. Having taken this class, it is now easier for me to see where she's coming from and why she thinks and responds in the ways that she does. I know that she's probably not going to change in the remaining years of her life, so it's up to me to react in a way that allows us to have a healthy relationship while not letting her manipulate me. It has been really hard for her to accept that I am an adult and she still tries to control things in my life even though I'm turning 24 this year. I think this class has helped me develop more of a compassionate attitude towards her and her problems.
Overall, I am very grateful that I decided to take this class. As I work on my list of the top 10 most important things that I've learned from this class, I'm sure my eyes will be even more opened to the lessons taught to us than they already are. I am more confident than ever that I will be able to have a healthy family of my own in the future, thanks in part to this class.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Thirteenth Post
Divorce and remarriage were the topics for this week. Having come from a dysfunctional family, I can relate to a lot of the issues that arise from divorce, but I have no way of knowing what it feels like to have parents leave each other and the affects of having a family split in two. I had quite a few friends growing up whose parents were divorced and, whether my friends would talk about it or not, I could see the effects that it had on them. We talked about in class how when a family is divided, it is tough on the children because it can feel like they sort of have to choose a parents side. It is also pretty tough to have to go through custody battles and not being with a parent when you want to be. It can also lead to having to go to different schools or church groups when you're with a different parent, which obviously leads to different social groups and friends. It can be very difficult for a child of any age to deal with all of this. It is also difficult for the parents to try and keep parenting together when they are divorced. Communication is not what it used to be and feelings can be pretty tense.
While divorce is not a pretty thing and should definitely be avoided, there are certainly times when it is appropriate and necessary (such as cases of infidelity or abuse). With that being said, I firmly believe that marriage can work between any two unselfish people who are more concerned with their partners wants and needs than their own. Divorce should be a last case resort instead of a go-to option when the going gets hard. I feel as if too many people give up on marriage nowadays instead of seeing the hard times through and growing stronger because of it. Brother Williams talked about how some country (I think in Asia) is trying this new thing where couples need to renew their wedding licenses or certificate or whatever after 2 years of marriage if they want to continue to be married, or else their marriage is nullified. That's crazy! With all that's going on in the world (gay marriage, the bachelor, etc), there sure is an assault on the sanctity of marriage these days.
The other half of this weeks lesson was about remarriage, which I support fully. While having a step-parent in the home can certainly be awkward at first and hard for the children to transition to, it will help the family in the long run to have two parents in the home again. We talked about how it can be hard for children to see the new husband or wife as a parent figure (especially when the children are older), but as long as the new parent handles the situation delicately and the biological parent handles the disciplining at first it can all transition rather smoothly with time. Whether by divorce or death, I sincerely hope to never have to remarry in my future. If the need does arise, I am confident that what I've learned from this class will help me.
While divorce is not a pretty thing and should definitely be avoided, there are certainly times when it is appropriate and necessary (such as cases of infidelity or abuse). With that being said, I firmly believe that marriage can work between any two unselfish people who are more concerned with their partners wants and needs than their own. Divorce should be a last case resort instead of a go-to option when the going gets hard. I feel as if too many people give up on marriage nowadays instead of seeing the hard times through and growing stronger because of it. Brother Williams talked about how some country (I think in Asia) is trying this new thing where couples need to renew their wedding licenses or certificate or whatever after 2 years of marriage if they want to continue to be married, or else their marriage is nullified. That's crazy! With all that's going on in the world (gay marriage, the bachelor, etc), there sure is an assault on the sanctity of marriage these days.
The other half of this weeks lesson was about remarriage, which I support fully. While having a step-parent in the home can certainly be awkward at first and hard for the children to transition to, it will help the family in the long run to have two parents in the home again. We talked about how it can be hard for children to see the new husband or wife as a parent figure (especially when the children are older), but as long as the new parent handles the situation delicately and the biological parent handles the disciplining at first it can all transition rather smoothly with time. Whether by divorce or death, I sincerely hope to never have to remarry in my future. If the need does arise, I am confident that what I've learned from this class will help me.
Twelfth Post
This past week we discussed parenting and the many implications that can arise from it. What really jumped out at me at first were the many subsystems that parenting can create. Of course there is an immediate bond between the parents; that goes without saying. But there are also individual and unique subsystems that are born with each child. Parents and children have their own subsystems, children have subsystems between themselves, and even other parent figures such as grandparents or church leaders can have subsystems with children. For me, I had pretty weak subsystems within my family. My only sibling was my sister who was 5 years older than me and thought that I was the biggest loser in the world. I never had a good relationship with my dad and my mom has a lot of issues that makes it hard for us to connect. But I have seen this in many other families, how parenting creates subsystems.
Another thing that really got me thinking was how parenting styles really differ when two people from different backgrounds come together and create a baby. I was raised in a white southern household in the large city by super religious, traditional, conservative, and older parents. I'm sure the way that I was brought up was extremely different than how a person in a black northern household with a non-religious, single parent with liberal views was raised. If the two of us were to marry and have a child, we would have to find some serious middle ground on how we would parent our child(ren) together.
I definitely plan on having a family in the future. I like the idea of having a lot of kids so I will surely need to develop parenting skills. Hopefully my future wife will have had similar family values, because I am rather concerned that it will be difficult to come together as two separate individuals and parent as one.
Another thing that really got me thinking was how parenting styles really differ when two people from different backgrounds come together and create a baby. I was raised in a white southern household in the large city by super religious, traditional, conservative, and older parents. I'm sure the way that I was brought up was extremely different than how a person in a black northern household with a non-religious, single parent with liberal views was raised. If the two of us were to marry and have a child, we would have to find some serious middle ground on how we would parent our child(ren) together.
I definitely plan on having a family in the future. I like the idea of having a lot of kids so I will surely need to develop parenting skills. Hopefully my future wife will have had similar family values, because I am rather concerned that it will be difficult to come together as two separate individuals and parent as one.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Eleventh Post
This past week in class we discussed Fathers and Finances. One of the more memorable parts of the lesson was writing a paper in which we expressed our views on fatherhood and what makes it important. I personally grew up in a home where my father was physically there, but not emotionally present. My mom took on the heavy majority of the parental responsibilities and at times it even seemed like I was living in a single parent home. My father chose to pick his career over his family and there have been permanent effects on our small family from it. While it was important for my father to make money to be able to support our family, it was even more important for him to be there as a father to provide fatherly love and the example that only a dad can set for his children (especially for me, his only son).
It seems like fathers are getting a bad wrap in society today a lot of the time. While there certainly are scumbags who will help create a life and then not help raise it, not all men are like that. There are millions of men out there who, just like me, can't wait to be a father and raise children to the best of their abilities! While mothers are indeed important, I wouldn't go as far as to say that they are MORE important than fathers. I believe that both parents provide irreplaceable examples and are unique emotional supports for children. I also believe that a single father can do just as well as a single mother in raising a child (and possibly better in some cases). While a nuclear traditional family is obviously preferred, fathers should never be looked down upon as inferior or unnecessary.
The other part of the lesson for this week was finances. In most American families, the man is the bread winner and holds a full-time job to be able to make enough money to provide for and support his family. It used to be that the woman would stay in the home and rear the children while the husband worked, but that dynamic has changed quite a bit over the years in our nation. Women are wanting more and more to get out of the home and work or start careers of their own. More women are graduating from college with degrees and desires to make their own money and do their own thing. While it might make sense financially for a struggling young family to have both parents out of the home and in the workplace, it was interesting to find out that having both parents working typically doesn't bring in that much more money to the family income. The question that parents need to ask themselves is "is it worth having the mother (or father, in some cases) out of the home and away from our child/children for X amount of money"? I believe that in most cases, the answer will be a resounding no. I personally don't believe that any amount of money is worth sacrificing parts of a parent-child relationship.
It seems like fathers are getting a bad wrap in society today a lot of the time. While there certainly are scumbags who will help create a life and then not help raise it, not all men are like that. There are millions of men out there who, just like me, can't wait to be a father and raise children to the best of their abilities! While mothers are indeed important, I wouldn't go as far as to say that they are MORE important than fathers. I believe that both parents provide irreplaceable examples and are unique emotional supports for children. I also believe that a single father can do just as well as a single mother in raising a child (and possibly better in some cases). While a nuclear traditional family is obviously preferred, fathers should never be looked down upon as inferior or unnecessary.
The other part of the lesson for this week was finances. In most American families, the man is the bread winner and holds a full-time job to be able to make enough money to provide for and support his family. It used to be that the woman would stay in the home and rear the children while the husband worked, but that dynamic has changed quite a bit over the years in our nation. Women are wanting more and more to get out of the home and work or start careers of their own. More women are graduating from college with degrees and desires to make their own money and do their own thing. While it might make sense financially for a struggling young family to have both parents out of the home and in the workplace, it was interesting to find out that having both parents working typically doesn't bring in that much more money to the family income. The question that parents need to ask themselves is "is it worth having the mother (or father, in some cases) out of the home and away from our child/children for X amount of money"? I believe that in most cases, the answer will be a resounding no. I personally don't believe that any amount of money is worth sacrificing parts of a parent-child relationship.
Monday, March 28, 2016
Tenth Post
In class we have been studying the importance of communication in the family, especially among spouses. I come from a family where my parent were terrible at communicating with each other, mostly because of my father. My mom communicated fine with her children, but my dad has always had issues expressing how he truly feels. He has been diagnosed as passive aggressive, so I don't think that helps. So having parents that have had communication issues my whole life has given me a broader perception on this topic than I believe most LDS students here at BYU-I would have.
Something that goes hand-in-hand with communication (and is even a form of communication in and of itself) is conflict, and not all conflict in a marriage is negative. Conflict arises whenever there are two people who have differing opinions or views and need to come to an agreement. Conflict can help couples communicate more effectively, but it can also tear couples apart if they do not handle it correctly. I believe that it is healthy for couples to have conflict within their marriages and that it is good for them to be open to different views from their partners. If someone decides to "take over" the relationship and makes all the decisions, it is going to lead to resentment and displeasure for the other member of the relationship. That kind of dynamic within a relationship can lead to what's called a power struggle. There tends to always be an "alpha male" in a couple, and when the other person isn't feeling sufficiently represented or expressed, they are going to want to change that. A power struggle doesn't go over so well for the person in charge and it can cause quite the riff within the relationship.
Having council within any relationship or group is a guideline from on high, as we learned from Elder M. Russell Ballard in his October 1993 General Conference address entitled "Strength in Counsel". There have been many many councils recorded all throughout biblical history, namely the council in Heaven with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and other important figures. These councils were free and open discussion in which everyone's input was equally important. There continues to be councils within the church on every level (Quorums, Ward, Stake, Missions, etc). We can learn from these examples and have our own councils in our marriages and relationships to lead to more peace and happiness.
Something that goes hand-in-hand with communication (and is even a form of communication in and of itself) is conflict, and not all conflict in a marriage is negative. Conflict arises whenever there are two people who have differing opinions or views and need to come to an agreement. Conflict can help couples communicate more effectively, but it can also tear couples apart if they do not handle it correctly. I believe that it is healthy for couples to have conflict within their marriages and that it is good for them to be open to different views from their partners. If someone decides to "take over" the relationship and makes all the decisions, it is going to lead to resentment and displeasure for the other member of the relationship. That kind of dynamic within a relationship can lead to what's called a power struggle. There tends to always be an "alpha male" in a couple, and when the other person isn't feeling sufficiently represented or expressed, they are going to want to change that. A power struggle doesn't go over so well for the person in charge and it can cause quite the riff within the relationship.
Having council within any relationship or group is a guideline from on high, as we learned from Elder M. Russell Ballard in his October 1993 General Conference address entitled "Strength in Counsel". There have been many many councils recorded all throughout biblical history, namely the council in Heaven with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and other important figures. These councils were free and open discussion in which everyone's input was equally important. There continues to be councils within the church on every level (Quorums, Ward, Stake, Missions, etc). We can learn from these examples and have our own councils in our marriages and relationships to lead to more peace and happiness.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Ninth Post
This past week we learned about the different sources of stress in marriage/relationships and the affects that stress can have. As a person who comes from a family that has had to deal with a lot of stress during my lifetime, I can really relate to the lessons that we had this week. I thank Brother Williams for his personal touch that he adds to them as well.
The part that stood out to me the most from what we discussed in class was how much stress on just one person can affect everyone in the family. One that same note, it was amazing to see how the stress of certain events at one point in time can greatly affect relationships for years to come. It was very somber and touching when Brother Williams shared the experiences of when his siblings died. While the older siblings death was tragic in and of itself, I was very moved by the death of his younger brother. Obviously that was a very trying and hard time for the parents, and from what Brother Williams talked about, it appears as if they never really overcame that. It affected their relationship very much and even affected the way that they treated their other kids and how their other kids interacted with each other.
In my family, my mother has a lot of social issues while my father has been diagnosed as passive aggressive. They typically have a very hard time getting along and have told me numerous times that if it wasn't for their kids and the church that they would have been divorced a long time ago. Taking their many marital issues into consideration, it's no wonder that my sister and I have strained relationships with our parents. Whenever my mom isn't getting her needs met by her husband, she turns to her children in an unhealthy manner. While I love my mom, I can't fulfill her needs like her husband can. Knowing how this works within my family dynamic now is surely going to help me when I start a family of my own.
The part that stood out to me the most from what we discussed in class was how much stress on just one person can affect everyone in the family. One that same note, it was amazing to see how the stress of certain events at one point in time can greatly affect relationships for years to come. It was very somber and touching when Brother Williams shared the experiences of when his siblings died. While the older siblings death was tragic in and of itself, I was very moved by the death of his younger brother. Obviously that was a very trying and hard time for the parents, and from what Brother Williams talked about, it appears as if they never really overcame that. It affected their relationship very much and even affected the way that they treated their other kids and how their other kids interacted with each other.
In my family, my mother has a lot of social issues while my father has been diagnosed as passive aggressive. They typically have a very hard time getting along and have told me numerous times that if it wasn't for their kids and the church that they would have been divorced a long time ago. Taking their many marital issues into consideration, it's no wonder that my sister and I have strained relationships with our parents. Whenever my mom isn't getting her needs met by her husband, she turns to her children in an unhealthy manner. While I love my mom, I can't fulfill her needs like her husband can. Knowing how this works within my family dynamic now is surely going to help me when I start a family of my own.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Eighth Post
This past week we talked about sexual relations and intercourse. It's always interesting to have these kind of discussions in a Mormon setting. There seems to be three distinct types of students; the ones who already know this material, the ones who are extremely sheltered and are learning this stuff for the first time, and then the ones who are rather self-righteous and embarrassed to be listening to this lesson. While I do fall into the first group of students, it was interesting to hear about how important sex is in a relationship and the stipulations that arise from it.
One of the most interesting things that I read about in this chapter was about the double standard that most people hold when it comes to premarital sex. When a young man has sexual experience in his adolescence years it is viewed as normal and even praised by some. It's a young man just being a man and experimenting and exploring. However, when a young woman gains some sort of sexual experience before marriage, she's viewed as a harlot and disgraced by others (for the most part). I have to admit to believing this myself, to an extent. For some reason, I tend to believe that it is less acceptable for women to be sleeping around or to have any sort of involvement in premarital sex than it is for men. Maybe that's a hypocritical, sexist part of me speaking. I don't know. I have heard it compared to a key and a lock. A key that can open many different locks is called a master key and is highly coveted and valuable while a lock that can be opened by many different keys is just considered to be a crappy lock. I believe that my attitude about this stems from the fact that a female is being penetrated by a man and not vice-versa. That seems a little worse to me. It's hard to explain.
The other thing that really stood out to me is how normal sex is. When you think about it, species on this earth have two purposes in life; to survive and reproduce. As we all know, sex is the way to reproduce. It is completely natural for us to have these desires and thoughts in life. It becomes unacceptable when we decide to linger on those thoughts/temptations or to act upon them before marriage. I feel as if a lot of LDS people don't understand that it's okay to think about and desire sex. To do so is completely normal and healthy. Our church has done a great job of making the subject taboo and creating an awkward situation whenever the topic is brought up. I wish more people could be open with their sexuality within the church without having members turn their noses up at them and judge. I think the youth would have a better understanding of what sex is and how to appropriately deal with those desires and thoughts.
One of the most interesting things that I read about in this chapter was about the double standard that most people hold when it comes to premarital sex. When a young man has sexual experience in his adolescence years it is viewed as normal and even praised by some. It's a young man just being a man and experimenting and exploring. However, when a young woman gains some sort of sexual experience before marriage, she's viewed as a harlot and disgraced by others (for the most part). I have to admit to believing this myself, to an extent. For some reason, I tend to believe that it is less acceptable for women to be sleeping around or to have any sort of involvement in premarital sex than it is for men. Maybe that's a hypocritical, sexist part of me speaking. I don't know. I have heard it compared to a key and a lock. A key that can open many different locks is called a master key and is highly coveted and valuable while a lock that can be opened by many different keys is just considered to be a crappy lock. I believe that my attitude about this stems from the fact that a female is being penetrated by a man and not vice-versa. That seems a little worse to me. It's hard to explain.
The other thing that really stood out to me is how normal sex is. When you think about it, species on this earth have two purposes in life; to survive and reproduce. As we all know, sex is the way to reproduce. It is completely natural for us to have these desires and thoughts in life. It becomes unacceptable when we decide to linger on those thoughts/temptations or to act upon them before marriage. I feel as if a lot of LDS people don't understand that it's okay to think about and desire sex. To do so is completely normal and healthy. Our church has done a great job of making the subject taboo and creating an awkward situation whenever the topic is brought up. I wish more people could be open with their sexuality within the church without having members turn their noses up at them and judge. I think the youth would have a better understanding of what sex is and how to appropriately deal with those desires and thoughts.
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Seventh post
Marriage was the topic of discussion this week; specifically the changes that come from getting married. I had honestly never really considered a lot of what we learned this week. There is so much stress that comes with marriage. I have never really had to share things in my life with anyone else. My only other sibling is a sister who is 5 years older than me, so I always had my own room, clothes, games, etc. Being on a mission probably prepared me a little for this massive transition that I will one day go through, but I learned this week that I am going to have to share EVERYTHING with my future wife. Money, vehicles, living space, the bed, etc. It's going to be weird and probably uncomfortable at times.
The thing that stuck out to me the most that wasn't specifically mentioned in class was the thought that couples sometimes make the mistake of not being 100% open and candid with each other with their concerns before the wedding. I feel as if the courting and engagement stages of a relationship are all rainbows and butterflies and it gets even better on the honeymoon. However, once the magic of being newlyweds wears off, the reality and stress of marriage kicks in with all the conflicts and concerns. If anything, I made a resolve to myself this week to be completely straight up and honest with my future fiancee/spouse in all things. I know it will be harder at first, but it will definitely make our marriage easier and make things go more smoothly as we transition to married life.
Another thing that really scared me was the idea of having a child once I'm married. I don't plan on having any kids until my wife and I are both graduated from college and out of Rexburg, but (as many LDS couples around here can probably tell me) things don't always work out the way we plan them. I learned this past week that marriage satisfaction rates drop with each birth of a child and then finally pan out after a point. Something that I'm going to do when my wife is pregnant to help decrease the stress on my marriage is to be there for her all the time. I know I'll have to work and whatnot, but when I'm home I'm going to be all hers for whatever she may need. And that wont change once she has the baby. I'm going to be as involved as possible in each and every pregnancy and childbirth in my future family. I know it's going to be really hard, but the hard work will pay off when it saves my future marriage and strengthens my family.
The thing that stuck out to me the most that wasn't specifically mentioned in class was the thought that couples sometimes make the mistake of not being 100% open and candid with each other with their concerns before the wedding. I feel as if the courting and engagement stages of a relationship are all rainbows and butterflies and it gets even better on the honeymoon. However, once the magic of being newlyweds wears off, the reality and stress of marriage kicks in with all the conflicts and concerns. If anything, I made a resolve to myself this week to be completely straight up and honest with my future fiancee/spouse in all things. I know it will be harder at first, but it will definitely make our marriage easier and make things go more smoothly as we transition to married life.
Another thing that really scared me was the idea of having a child once I'm married. I don't plan on having any kids until my wife and I are both graduated from college and out of Rexburg, but (as many LDS couples around here can probably tell me) things don't always work out the way we plan them. I learned this past week that marriage satisfaction rates drop with each birth of a child and then finally pan out after a point. Something that I'm going to do when my wife is pregnant to help decrease the stress on my marriage is to be there for her all the time. I know I'll have to work and whatnot, but when I'm home I'm going to be all hers for whatever she may need. And that wont change once she has the baby. I'm going to be as involved as possible in each and every pregnancy and childbirth in my future family. I know it's going to be really hard, but the hard work will pay off when it saves my future marriage and strengthens my family.
Sixth post
Lesson 5 really got me thinking about dating and what it means to me. I think that ever since I completed my mission, I have fallen into this pattern of going on "casual dates" instead of actual planned, paid for, and paired off dates. I have always had the goal of getting married one day and starting a family of my own, but that goal seems further and further the way the more I think about how poor my dating life is.
The real problem may reside in the fact that I don't have too much of a desire to date. I know what I'm attracted to in females (and I certainly enjoy being around those kinds of ladies) but something about commitment and dating really turns me off to the idea of dating them.
We talked and read about finding people to date too. In some parts of the world (and even parts of the United States) dating options are rather limited. People can grow up in towns where they realistically only have a handful of people to choose from when it comes to dating. Here at BYU-I, that is definitely not the case. There are thousands of young, single adults here on campus and I know I should feel blessed to be in such an awesome dating environment. There truly is a plethora of women for me to "browse through" (if you will).
To be 100% honest, I think my fear of rejection is what really keeps me from asking girls out and dating. However, this past weeks lessons have really opened my eyes to the importance of dating. I am more committed to working on building intimacy in appropriate ways, especially while I'm blessed enough to be in such a great place to do so.
The real problem may reside in the fact that I don't have too much of a desire to date. I know what I'm attracted to in females (and I certainly enjoy being around those kinds of ladies) but something about commitment and dating really turns me off to the idea of dating them.
We talked and read about finding people to date too. In some parts of the world (and even parts of the United States) dating options are rather limited. People can grow up in towns where they realistically only have a handful of people to choose from when it comes to dating. Here at BYU-I, that is definitely not the case. There are thousands of young, single adults here on campus and I know I should feel blessed to be in such an awesome dating environment. There truly is a plethora of women for me to "browse through" (if you will).
To be 100% honest, I think my fear of rejection is what really keeps me from asking girls out and dating. However, this past weeks lessons have really opened my eyes to the importance of dating. I am more committed to working on building intimacy in appropriate ways, especially while I'm blessed enough to be in such a great place to do so.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Fifth post
This week we discussed gender roles and homosexuality. It was eye opening to learn about same sex attraction and how early childhood experiences can affect gender attractions later in life. The video that we watched that had men who struggled with same sex attraction was very interesting. Most of the men had experienced something earlier in life (such as rape or molestation) that affected their psychology and sexual desires. There has always been and always will be an argument on whether or not homosexual desires is something that people are born with or something that they inherit later in life. According to the information presented in class, I would have to say that it appears as if it is an inherited life choice, some by conscious decision and others by subconscious thoughts and feelings. The morality of homosexuality is always up for debate, but the negative psychological and physical effects are not. It is not healthy to participate in a homosexual relationship and I personally believe that it will lead to nothing but heartache and personal anguish.
I really enjoyed our class discussion regarding gender roles and the views of society on gender. I personally agree with a lot of the societal differences between men and women and boys and girls. I think that boys tend to be tougher and less emotional than girls, and that we should recognize and respect that as a whole. Of course there are exceptions to this, but for the most part, I think this is truth. I completely disagree with the idea that we need to raise our boys more like our girls. That's absurd. Boys are different from girls in a plethora of ways and we shouldn't ignore that. The more we try to have total gender equality in all things, the more the lines of gender roles and responsibilities are going to be blurred and men and women are going to have increasing difficulty acting as such. I have very traditional and conservative viewpoints when it comes to this matter, but I am unapologetic in what I believe to be true.
I really enjoyed our class discussion regarding gender roles and the views of society on gender. I personally agree with a lot of the societal differences between men and women and boys and girls. I think that boys tend to be tougher and less emotional than girls, and that we should recognize and respect that as a whole. Of course there are exceptions to this, but for the most part, I think this is truth. I completely disagree with the idea that we need to raise our boys more like our girls. That's absurd. Boys are different from girls in a plethora of ways and we shouldn't ignore that. The more we try to have total gender equality in all things, the more the lines of gender roles and responsibilities are going to be blurred and men and women are going to have increasing difficulty acting as such. I have very traditional and conservative viewpoints when it comes to this matter, but I am unapologetic in what I believe to be true.
Fourth post
What really stood out to me this past week was our discussion on our pretend Mexican family. I was part of the example family and it seemed way more real to me that way. I personally have a lot of experience with Hispanic immigrants in the US since I served a Spanish speaking mission in Colorado Springs. What I learned most this week is that Hispanic immigrants have unimaginable struggles that they go through in order to make it to the US. It isn't as easy as I imagined it would be.
Serving my mission, I met many families who had made the made the trek over the border. They never let on how difficult it was. I only met a few families who had made the trip all at the same time. I met countless men who were working here in the US to send money home to their families in Mexico. It is a very hard thing that they are doing and I know that they are doing it to better their lives and the lives of their children. All legality aside, I sympathize with Hispanic immigrants and the trials that they have had to go through. I know that we are all Gods children and that they are loved unconditionally regardless of where they choose to live or how they choose to get there.
Serving my mission, I met many families who had made the made the trek over the border. They never let on how difficult it was. I only met a few families who had made the trip all at the same time. I met countless men who were working here in the US to send money home to their families in Mexico. It is a very hard thing that they are doing and I know that they are doing it to better their lives and the lives of their children. All legality aside, I sympathize with Hispanic immigrants and the trials that they have had to go through. I know that we are all Gods children and that they are loved unconditionally regardless of where they choose to live or how they choose to get there.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Third post
This week we learned about the 4 different theories of family relations. There is the exchange theory, symbolic interaction theory, conflict theory, and general interaction theory. While all of these theories are very interesting and fun to learn about, the one that I can relate with most is the exchange theory
I grew up in a rather dysfunctional home, especially for the average LDS family. While both my parents are alive and remain married to each other, they do not enjoy a happy nor healthy marriage. The effects of their terrible relationship has definitely been felt in the lives of their children (my sister and me). All throughout our childhood we had parents who were unhappy and constantly looking for things to argue about.
The effect that the exchange theory has had on my family is a deep one. My dear mother has the idea that every time she does something for someone that that specific person is going to owe her something down the road. She truly doesn't believe in just doing favors or kind deeds for people. That causes a lot of issues in her relationship with her husband when she doesn't think that he's doing enough for her as she is doing for him. Her same attitude exists in her relationships with her children. My sister and I have been able to handle it rather well, but my mother is not afraid to cut people out of her life if she thinks she is doing more for them than they are doing for her. I don't agree with her outlook on life, but that's another story for another time. I see where she comes from and the affects of the exchange theory in her life and in my own.
I grew up in a rather dysfunctional home, especially for the average LDS family. While both my parents are alive and remain married to each other, they do not enjoy a happy nor healthy marriage. The effects of their terrible relationship has definitely been felt in the lives of their children (my sister and me). All throughout our childhood we had parents who were unhappy and constantly looking for things to argue about.
The effect that the exchange theory has had on my family is a deep one. My dear mother has the idea that every time she does something for someone that that specific person is going to owe her something down the road. She truly doesn't believe in just doing favors or kind deeds for people. That causes a lot of issues in her relationship with her husband when she doesn't think that he's doing enough for her as she is doing for him. Her same attitude exists in her relationships with her children. My sister and I have been able to handle it rather well, but my mother is not afraid to cut people out of her life if she thinks she is doing more for them than they are doing for her. I don't agree with her outlook on life, but that's another story for another time. I see where she comes from and the affects of the exchange theory in her life and in my own.
Second post
Alright, so here goes my second blog post:
After studying chapter 2, what weighs most heavily on my mind is the cultural differences among families around the world, but especially here in the United States. For example, there are white, black, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, inter-racial, heterosexual, homosexual, and single parent homes. Those are just a few of the different family types in our country, Each one of those different family types typically has their own culture and way of parenting and living. I am not sure if there is any one that is better than the others, but I personally believe that a couple are more detrimental to the development of children (and to the health of the couple) than others.
For example, children raised in a home with only a single parent raising them typically grow up to encounter more problems in life than children raised in a home with both parents there. The same can even be said for children raised by a step-parent. No person can replace an actual parent to the fullest extent. Our textbook states that children raised in single parent homes (when compared to children raised in a home where both parents are present) tend to:
-have higher rates of antisocial behavior, aggression, anxiety, depression, and school problems.
-be less likely to graduate high school
-be more likely to get involved in early sexual activity and adolescent pregnancy
-be more likely to be the victims of abuse
-be more likely to use illicit drugs
-be more likely to have poorer mental and physical health
Those are some scary facts that ring true regardless of racial or cultural background. Now that isn't to say that any single parent family is going to raise juvenile delinquents. A single parent can do just as well (if not better) than some dual parent families when it comes to raising their children. I believe that it will take more work and effort on the single parents behalf, but it can be done.
I know that there are plenty of factors that can lead to a single parent family, but the main one is divorce. I really think that marriage is important and that people today do not value this institution. Divorce is often viewed as an easy way out of something that is uncomfortable. Unfortunately there are many selfish people who don't think of their of children and give up on their marriage or do things that will drive their spouse away. I'm not saying that no divorce is ever justified, but people really need to consider all of the effects that a divorce can have on other members of a family before it is decided upon or deemed as necessary.
I also believe that another family type is harmful for children, and that is the homosexual family. Same-sex couples are the heads of 754,000 families in the United States. The argument of the morality and legality of gay marriage aside, there are some unique problems that gay and lesbian families face along with the average family related problems. Gender roles are confused and blurred within gay families. There are certain things that our society expects out of men and women, but gay couples cannot fulfill those roles. There is not mother and father in a gay family. It can be confusing for the children and even for the couple themselves to figure out what responsibilities rest on which parent. Children raised in gay families are more likely to act out in school, participate in illegal/immoral behaviors, and have psychological issues later on in life. Religiously I believe homosexuality to be a sin the eyes of our Creator, and the unique negative side effects of having gay parents speak for themselves.
Most of all, the effect of families on children stood out to me most. I understand that all families are different and that all families struggle with their own issues, but I believe that a family that puts their faith and focuses in God and His teachings are more likely to have peace and love in the home. Divorce rates will lower, marital satisfaction will rise, and children will grow up to see their full potential in this life.
After studying chapter 2, what weighs most heavily on my mind is the cultural differences among families around the world, but especially here in the United States. For example, there are white, black, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, inter-racial, heterosexual, homosexual, and single parent homes. Those are just a few of the different family types in our country, Each one of those different family types typically has their own culture and way of parenting and living. I am not sure if there is any one that is better than the others, but I personally believe that a couple are more detrimental to the development of children (and to the health of the couple) than others.
For example, children raised in a home with only a single parent raising them typically grow up to encounter more problems in life than children raised in a home with both parents there. The same can even be said for children raised by a step-parent. No person can replace an actual parent to the fullest extent. Our textbook states that children raised in single parent homes (when compared to children raised in a home where both parents are present) tend to:
-have higher rates of antisocial behavior, aggression, anxiety, depression, and school problems.
-be less likely to graduate high school
-be more likely to get involved in early sexual activity and adolescent pregnancy
-be more likely to be the victims of abuse
-be more likely to use illicit drugs
-be more likely to have poorer mental and physical health
Those are some scary facts that ring true regardless of racial or cultural background. Now that isn't to say that any single parent family is going to raise juvenile delinquents. A single parent can do just as well (if not better) than some dual parent families when it comes to raising their children. I believe that it will take more work and effort on the single parents behalf, but it can be done.
I know that there are plenty of factors that can lead to a single parent family, but the main one is divorce. I really think that marriage is important and that people today do not value this institution. Divorce is often viewed as an easy way out of something that is uncomfortable. Unfortunately there are many selfish people who don't think of their of children and give up on their marriage or do things that will drive their spouse away. I'm not saying that no divorce is ever justified, but people really need to consider all of the effects that a divorce can have on other members of a family before it is decided upon or deemed as necessary.
I also believe that another family type is harmful for children, and that is the homosexual family. Same-sex couples are the heads of 754,000 families in the United States. The argument of the morality and legality of gay marriage aside, there are some unique problems that gay and lesbian families face along with the average family related problems. Gender roles are confused and blurred within gay families. There are certain things that our society expects out of men and women, but gay couples cannot fulfill those roles. There is not mother and father in a gay family. It can be confusing for the children and even for the couple themselves to figure out what responsibilities rest on which parent. Children raised in gay families are more likely to act out in school, participate in illegal/immoral behaviors, and have psychological issues later on in life. Religiously I believe homosexuality to be a sin the eyes of our Creator, and the unique negative side effects of having gay parents speak for themselves.
Most of all, the effect of families on children stood out to me most. I understand that all families are different and that all families struggle with their own issues, but I believe that a family that puts their faith and focuses in God and His teachings are more likely to have peace and love in the home. Divorce rates will lower, marital satisfaction will rise, and children will grow up to see their full potential in this life.
Saturday, January 9, 2016
First blog post EVER
Alright!
This is my first ever blog post and I highly doubt that this is going to be viewed by too many people outside of my Family Relations class. I'm not really sure where to go with this either, so bear with me throughout this semester and hopefully this blog won't turn out being the worst thing you've ever read. Cool!
Carter
This is my first ever blog post and I highly doubt that this is going to be viewed by too many people outside of my Family Relations class. I'm not really sure where to go with this either, so bear with me throughout this semester and hopefully this blog won't turn out being the worst thing you've ever read. Cool!
Carter
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